i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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