You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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