I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
please come you make the beer taste better
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
