I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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