in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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