A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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