Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
