So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
