What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
