Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
