Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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