xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
