sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
