Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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