its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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