Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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