I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
