Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
