theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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