she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
