just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
