Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
