I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Randomize
