had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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