sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
