Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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