hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
zippers are such a cool invention
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
