Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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