My brain says no but my pants say off.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
