my mouth tastes like poor choices
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize