If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
