She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
