I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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