The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
