I smell stomach acid.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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