too bad you live with your parents still
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
