Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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