but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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