this beer tastes like vomit already
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
