Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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