Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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