k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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