I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
