So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
