I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
