Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
