last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
How's work?
Spinning.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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