yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
