Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
