Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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