like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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