Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
