I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
