Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
