Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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