Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
