last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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