There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
