I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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