I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
