Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
