just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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