I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
