I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
