So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
