Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
