I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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