I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
