Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
