Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize