Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
