i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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