i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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