Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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