I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
