Need sex. Gaining weight.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize