So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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