Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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