Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
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thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize