If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
