OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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