Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
