it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
