he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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