if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
