They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
