I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
