Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
