"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
