bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I will pee on everything he values.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
