I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
