I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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