STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
