Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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