I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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