Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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