Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
