The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
